


It’ll be fine. I promise.

by wtfidekanymore



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Has BPD, Kleinphy secret friendship, M/M, Vent?, look at em go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 11:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18030536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtfidekanymore/pseuds/wtfidekanymore
Summary: Connor has an episode and Jared tries his damn best to help.





	It’ll be fine. I promise.

Jared had listened through and talked through many of these conversations before.   
He’d said the exact same thing every time, over and over and over again.

“He doesn’t hate you Connor..”

It was starting to become too much.

Connor was sat on his bed, Jared next to him hugging his quilted blanket between his arms as if it were a person. A certain person probably.  
His cheeks we’re red and it looked like he’d been holding back tears for a while.

“I-I I said too much I shouldn’t have it’s too much and now he’s gonna-“ That’s when the dam broke and he buried his head in that pile of blanket in his arms.

Connor got in a state like this regularly. At least every other day over the same person. Miguel.   
He was always so terrified of making the wrong move and even the slightest change in Miguel’s attitude caused Connor to tip and come crying, panicking that Miguel hated him.  
No matter how many times Connor came to the conclusion that, no Miguel didn’t hate him. Or no matter how many times Miguel himself assured Connor that he still cared about him the same way he had the other time. It always, always came back.

Jared didn’t like seeing Connor in this state... It couldn’t be good for any recovery he was attempting to make.  
“Connor.. there’s really only two options here...”

Connor looked up from his blanket, his eyes were raw and wet and shiny with tears and his nose had definitely been running in the mean time. The look in his eyes looked like his life depended on what Jared would say next. Maybe it did.  
No pressure then.  
“You either talk to Miguel about how you’re feeling,” Connor was already tensing, “Or you stop talking to him.”

The look on Connor’s face seemed to resemble eternal dread. That was the worst possible outcome. No more Miguel? Unfathomable.  
“No-“ he said shaking his head firmly as more tears poured, “nononono,” he said over and over again, “i can’t— i’m not— no.” 

Jared panicked but Connor kept going, “I can’t—“  
“You can, you have to.” Jared argued and Connor seemed to sob,   
“No! I-I’m sorry this is too much I shouldn’t be-Im sorry-“  
“Connor..”  
“I’m sorry—“  
“Connor.”  
“I’m-“  
“Connor!”

Connor flinched and moved away from Jared to the head of his bed. Even more fear in his eyes this time.  
“No! no i’m sorry don’t shout at me me i’m sorry don’t be mad i’m Sor-ry.” he sobbed through the last word as he hid his face in his blanket again. It must be soaking.

Jared was holding back tears at this point. He hated seeing people cry like this. ‘Don’t shout at me’? That sounded too... like Connor had said that so much now it was a reflex... He had to be more careful with this.  
After giving this a few more seconds to cool down Jared spoke softly,  
“i’m-“ shit, hold back the tears, “Connor i’m sorry I shouted... But this is affecting you everyday. You can’t keep talking to him if—“  
“No.” Connor said again, as he coughed due to all the phlegm in his throat. “no, you don’t understand... I can’t do that.”

“well..” Jared took a deep breath, “That’s your ultimatum... you talk to him or..”

Connor looked up from the pillow once more and took a deep breath, coughing again. “okay...” he wiped his eyes. His lip was starting to sting.  
“I’ll try...”

After a few more moments of calm silence, Connor spoke up again, wiping his eyes.  
“i’m sorry... I shouldn’t be treating you like my therapist...”

Well Jared couldn’t disagree... it was a lot. If Connor couldn’t deal with it or figure it out... how could he?  
“It’s fine.”

Connor shook his head, “it’s not... i can’t do this to you.. you um..” he looked up, “you’ll tell me if it’s ever too much right? please?”

Jared nodded trying to plaster a supportive smile on his face. Connor smiled a little too. However it disappeared as soon as he looked down.  
“i’m gonna go and wash my face.”

He stood up, leaving his bedroom to head into the bathroom and that gave Jared time alone to think...   
He really did hope all of this with Miguel worked out... He didn’t know the guy that much. Since Connor and Jared has started talking after senior year, after the pressures of high school were gone they found they got along pretty damn well. Jared introduced him to DnD and Connor rambled about books he loved. However their humor was the best part of their friendship. They actually clicked most in that aspect.  
They were both massive assholes and they complimented each other amazingly.  
Then Connor started trusting Jared with his problems, telling him about Miguel. Jared advises getting closer... well... closer emotionally.  
And they had, Connor told him that him and Miguel were actually dating now which was, miracle of miracles compared to how fragile and scared Connor seemed to be around the subject in the beginning.  
But that arose a whole lot more problems. Connor was scared to openly compliment Miguel. He was scared he’d say something and Miguel wouldn’t want to be called that, or that it’d be the wrong timing.

Jared truly hoped for both of them... that this got sorted out. 

When Connor came back he looked far better than he did when he left and Jared stood up,  
“Feel better...?”

Connor nodded, letting out the ghost of a smile, downcast to the floor.  
“Yeah... thank you.”

“no prob bob.” Jared snickered a little and Connor let out a soft chuckle too.

“C’mere,” Jared opened his arms and Connor stepped forward to hug him close.  
“it’ll be fine I promise.”


End file.
